the dog ate my homework

Marion Jones flunked a drug test in June, at the US Track and Field Championships. Since nobody especially cares about track and field except a few weeks every 4 years, that's a big so-what? Here's what's not. Here's what's going to be entertaining, should Jones' 2nd test -- the so-called "B Sample'' -- comes up positive, confirming beyond a reasonable doubt to reasonable people, that she doped:

The denials. The excuses. That's what's potentially hilarious.

Floyd Landis, the bike-jock who won the tour de France thanks to an elevated testosterone level that would be the envy of George Clooney, said the high count was due to (pick one or all or a few): thyroid meds, cortisone shots, dehydration, Jack Daniel's, unfair testing or simply that he was just, you know, unbelievably virile. Let's call that last one the I'm A Man Dammit defense. The off-the-chart testosterone level was "produced by my own organism,'' Floyd said.

Gotta get me some of that organism.

That follows a few years of belly-laugh whoppers: Flaxseed oil, sex before a race, an evil masseuse... the best one was from cyclist Tyler Hamilton, who explained that he had someone else's blood in his veins because his twin had passed some of his blood to Tyler in utero.

Stay tuned. Marion's B Sample comes back in a few weeks.