because it's Friday

The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.> > > > 1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.> > 2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:> (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.> (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.> (c) After wrecking your boss's car.> (d) When she is using her teeth.> > 3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally> killed and eaten by his buddies.> > 4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out> of jail within 12 hours.> > 5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off> limits forever unless you actually marry her.> > 6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is> forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.> > 7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another> man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly> optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the> birthday boy's choice.> > 8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the> weakest.> > 9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask> the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.> > 10. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're> sunning on a tropical beach ... And it's delivered by a topless model> and only when it's free.> > 11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to> kick another guy in the nuts.> > 12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.> > 13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.> > 14. If a man's fly is down, that's his prob lem, you didn't see> anything.> > 15. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies> until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as> much as the other sports watchers.> > 16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must> remain sober enough to fight.> > 17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of> pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.> > 18. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking> about his choice of beer.> > 19. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,> except if she's withholding sex pending your response.> > 21. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing> (i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.). For all other> situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you> need.> > 22. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer> than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.> Hang up if necessary.> > 23. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"> have carnal, drunken, monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and> guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the> discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.> > 24. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for> her to drive yours.> > 25. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,> orange or sky blue.> > 26. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for> Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an> Xbox. End of story.> > 27. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's> Gymnastics. Ever.> > We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really> know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the> definition of each is listed below:> > "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being> assaulted by your wife with a broom, And having the guts to say, "are> you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"> > "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of> perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass> and having the balls to say, "You're next!"> > We hope this clears up any confusion.> > > > The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.> > >