short attention span's guide to O.D.

Bob Castellini is uncomfortable dealing with the media. We might have seen the last of the owner appearing in public at the ballyard on Monday.

Castellini gave me a book of short stories by the author Jim Shepard called Batting Against Castro. The title story is about winter ball in Cuba in the late 50s. Hilarious. Marge Schott never gave me any books.

Rich Aurilia will be playing 3B every day by the middle of May.

Adam Dunn makes way too much money to be Dave Kingman.

Dunn is a great athlete. No way he should be like an elephant on roller skates playing leftfield.

Well, there is one way. If defense is not that important to you.

At least seven sharpshooters dressed in all black guarded GASP -- Great American Small Park -- Monday. Three in the upper deck in far left field, 3 atop the batter's eye and one on the roof at USBank Arena. Nothing says Opening Day like precision-trained killers.

President Jim Bush called Cubs' 2B Todd Walker "Tom.''

Bud Selig, bless him, arrived at Castellini's pre-game press conference as it was ending. The commissioner wore a black trench coat, one of the lapels of which was folded in. A smudge of white decorated one of the shoulders. The man often looks like an unmade bed.

You could never say that about Paul Tagliabue.

Yet another reason the NFL is king. And baseball is baseball.

No one asked Selig a Pete Rose question, thank God. The commisioner did ramble about his newly virtuous, all-natural sport, apparently because he thinks we're all stupid.Of course, his point man for the game's steroid probe is a part owner of the Red Sox. No conflict there.

Can't wait for those day games after night games, now that MLB has banned amphetamines.

Off to Augusta National, for what really matters. Live big.