just in time for CHRISTMAS

A good thing about getting older is, you can get smug about how much better it was to be a kid when you were growing up. For example, those of us of a certain age know with certainty that Strat-O-Matic baseball was way cooler than anything Nintendo can conjure. And that 3 hours of Wiffleball in Fred's backyard beat the hell out of some organized team with fancy uniforms. With that in mind, some killer toys I had as a kid, in order of preference. Read and weep, fellow Boomers, and feel free to add to the list:

Strat-O-Matic was simply the best board game ever. I played the entire 71 and 72 seasons of the Pittsburgh Pirates. (Just me and my Strat cards, day after day. I was a strange young man.) Willie Stargell hit 50 jacks each year. The dice werent even on steroids.

My tabletop hockey game was so classic, the players didn't even move up and down the rink. The puck was a marble. Slap shots frequently left the ice. Once, an errant slapper smashed the glass in my mother's curio cabinet.

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. A game of incredible skill. A true test of manual dexterity. Plus, you had to love the sound when your guy knocked the other guy's head up. Sounded like a termite colony in a blender.

Foto-Electric Football. You put your offensive play card on the top of the board. He put his defensive alignment on top of that. A 40-watt lightbulb was beneath the board. Yeah, a 40-watt light bulb. As the guy on offense pulled a piece of cardboard slowly, the play was revealed. I believe this is how Bruce Coslet got his start as an offensive genius.

Sure Shot Golf. Six-inch tall Arnold Palmer, attached to the bottom of a club the size of a putter, with a trigger attached. L'il Arnie had a l'il set of interchangeable clubs. Balls were either marble or foam, depending on the shot. I played this for hours. It says a lot about my personality. I couldn't hit a green in regulation then, either.

Lastly, no Christmas toy column would be valid w/o a mention of Electric Football. It was so weak, it was strong. Linemen square-danced, wide receivers circled like they were jets at LaGuardia. The damned kicker/QB couldnt kick or QB. And how 'bout that game timer? Quite possibly the dumbest sports toy ever. Made the robots look like little plastic MENSA men.

Play big.