dumb golf lessons

It was 50 Monday, it's gonna be close to 60 tomorrow and Friday. Global warming? Bring it on, brother. This is the best time of year to play golf. The courses are mostly empty and in great shape. Rates are low. As everyone knows, golf is the world's greatest game.

Except for the tips.
The tips are idiotic.

All that stuff about swing planes and spine tilts. You'd think to break 90, you'd have to be a chiropractor or a contortionist. Every month, the golf magazines offer impossible "help'' for your game. I found a couple classics this month, in Golf mag:

(1) to align your putter, "attach a straw with a big wad of bubble gum to the center of your putterface so it points straight out from the sweet spot. The straw lets you see exactly where you're aimed.'' And makes you like a damned fool.

(2) to hit better chips, "Balance a club on the top of a water bottle and place your club 12 inches behind the middle of the grip. Make your chip stroke without knocking the shaft off the bottle.'' And look like a damned fool.

All of it reminds me of Nicholson's classic diner scene in Five Easy Pieces. To play better golf, play more. If you want tips that make sense and don't make you look like a damned fool, read Hogan's Five Lessons and The Bobby Jones Way, by John Andrisani. And keep your bubble gum where it's supposed to be: Stuck to the leather seats in your car.